Depression

Well, it has been a while since my last blog.  There is a reason for that: depression.  Yes, I know it’s an ugly word, most people don’t want to hear it or acknowledge it, but it exists in all its vulgar glory!  It is a frequent unwelcome companion to those of us on the spectrum.

A lot of people have been using the analogy of the ‘black dog’ to describe depression.  I have a problem with that: dogs are gorgeous!  My dogs make me feel comforted on my darkest days, so how can I equate something so awful to something so loving and giving?!

As a child I lived in Kuwait.  There was often patches of tar on the beach, if my sister and I accidentally trod in it, there followed a lengthy and painful process to remove the sticky mess from our feet.  Well, that to me describes depression better.  It is dark, sticky, unwelcome, uncomfortable, painful.

So far in 2016, I have been stuck in the midst of a thick dark pool of this tar.  My head has felt thick and heavy, as if the tar has pervaded my very being.  It is difficult, particularly when well-meaning people frequently ask if I’m feeling better or suggest that I will “feel better in the morning”.  If only it were that easy!  Depression is not a choice, it is cruel and complicated.  It is also a liar.  Depression makes you doubt anything good about yourself and convinces you that you cannot be good enough – for anything.

As I said, depression is ugly.  However, the more we talk about it, admit when we’re weighed down by it, the more we can help each other in the right ways.  Mental health is a hot topic politically at the moment, as services have become further restricted.  So let’s talk about mental health; if you have depression you are most certainly not alone.

Love and best wishes (and spoons) to you all x